The Best Feeling in the World For any AMERICAN

Receiving a compliment on something you worked very hard on. Feels SO good.

The laughter of a woman I'm attracted to.

To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.

Being loved back by the person you love.

Being secure in a happy, loving relationship with someone who you can share everything with and who you trust completely. To me there's no greater feeling than truly being loved and loving that person just as much.

When you wake up on a chilly morning and you can feel the cold air on your face but the rest of you is warm under the covers.

Taking a big shit after having to hold it for an extended period of time. 

Waking up in the middle of the night and realizing you have a few more hours left to sleep!

When someone plays with your hair.

scratching your balls then smell your hand.

When you're jamming, and you're all on the same page and you hit a groove. Everyone's in time and harmonized. It hypnotizes you and you become the music.  

Getting a running hug from your daughter when you walk in the door after work.

Bonus: cleaned teeth immediately after a visit to the hygienist.

Orgasming at the same time as your partner. 

When you look at this post and expect every reply to be either sex or drugs, and it's not. 

The first sip of a cold beer.

Having your hair washed at a salon. OHGODFEELSSOGOOD.

Making out with someone you are crazy in love with and just feeling all that emotion build up until someone says I love you..

Those poops that are a struggle to get out. It's the best feeling when they plop into the water.

Scratching that one itch.

American Stereotypes

This is sort of a rant I guess… So be warned. lol
I thought it would be funny to look up some American Stereotypes from other countries, you know?
And the most common ones are the ones that we’ve kinda brought onto ourselves: Fat and Lazy
But there were a few that I didn’t completely understand. Like:
Americans are loud and obnoxious … most of the Americans I know are either really shy, or are only loud when they get to know you… So to all of you from the UK and Asia/Africa/Australia: if an American is loud and obnoxious to you, be glad. That means they like you ;)
Another that we brought onto ourselves is that all of the girls are super-sluts. Lets face it… There are super-sluts in EVERY country. So don’t just single ours out.
Also: American’s are stupid. Yup. We Are SUPER stupid… We have some of the best colleges/universities in the world… you don’t get those from stupid people :)
We “wreck” the original “English” language… if all of your friends and family said the word trunk (indicating the back part of the car that opens up) instead of the boot (i think thats what they call it in England) then you would say it to.
Bottom line: Think before you judge :)
About 50% of Americans aren’t as bad as you think they are. That doesn’t seem like much, But I guarantee  its the same in your country :)
This has been my rant. Not meant to be offensive in any way to others… Love you all!

American always do things wrong

Americans always do things wrong (joke)

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my Little Fifi is using that seat?"
The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another" trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."
The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"
The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.
An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

FUNNY AMERICAN UNHELPFUL SCUMBAG TEACHERS QUOTES

1. Teacher: do you think this poem means?

     Student: Blah blah ( after long explanation) 

     Teacher: No thats wrong.

2. Teacher Says this paper is best ever i have ever read.

     but gives only 95% and says No paper is perfect.

3. Teacher: you should not go to the bathroom.... you should have gone during lunch.

4. Teacher : Here is the helpful website on the white copy it into your URL bar.

      

       "http://www.longesturlinthehistoryofmankindsincetimeimmorial.com/someuselessshit32/%20/US/soboring/physicssuckstothecore/stupidpointlesss/asss.html"

5. She requires 3 ring binder.

    but never holes punches in anything.

6.Teacher: Your final answer was correct but you point for not working it out in my specific way.

7. Teacher: "didnt get your papers graded, i teach other classes too"....

                 After Sometimes she says : "You need to finish your homework...i dont care if you have other classes"

8. Teacher: " oh you dont get how to do it... let me explain the exact same way i explained it the first time"

9. Teacher: " If you missed the bell, you missed the class, i dont make the rules" .... " the bell doesnt dissmiss you , i dismiss you"

10.  Student gets right answer on the test. But teacher marked wrong just because you done it differently than she expected.

11.  Teacher asks you " why are you late" then she says " i dont want to hear excuses"

12. Teacher: "oh you cant spell that word" .... "look it up in this book where words are sorted by spelling"

13. " i have graded all your test....but i cant let you see the grade..because one student hasnt taken the test yet."

14. whole class has their hands up...but picks the student who doesnt have the students hands up.

FUNNY AMERICAN LAWS

It’s against the law to spread a false rumor in Georgia.

You can’t carry a concealed weapon that is over 6 feet in length In Washington State.

 The Code of 1930 has a statute which prohibits corrupt practices or bribery by any person other than political candidates in Virginia.
 
 The law is that a car must be driven with the steering wheel In Illinois.
 
It is against the law for children to pick up or collect cigarette and cigar butts in New york.

It is illegal for women to stand within five feet of a bar while drinking in wyoming.

For each act of public swearing a person shall be fined one dollar in west viginia.

In oregon one may not test their physical endurance while driving a car on a highway.

In illinois Citizens can be hit with a $120 ticket for having an improperly displayed and outdated city sticker on their car.

A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public in IOWA.

Throwing eggs at a public speaker could result in up to one year in prison in kentucky.

One could possibly land in jail for 20 years upon urinating in the city’s water supply in lousiana.

One may not commit any “unnatural acts” with another person in Florida.

On Halloween, children may only “trick-or-treat” from 6:00 PM to 8:00 PM, and if Halloween falls on a Sunday, they must “trick-or-treat” on October 30 during this same time interval in delaware.